Dear Mama, Your Time Will Come

Eloise, 18 months, and Flora, two weeks. 2015.

I’ve talked a lot about motherhood and my personal journey with motherhood throughout the years. If you’ve followed me, you know I have two beautiful girls, Eloise (almost 4) and Flora (almost 2.5). There were moments, days, and months when I felt so knee deep in motherhood, I didn’t know if I’d ever have “me” time again. I had my babies close together (two babies in 18 months), so it felt like a non-stop cycle of being pregnant, giving birth, nursing, changing diapers, and always feeling sleep deprived. I did a good job at hiding my crazy, for the most part. My husband might disagree. Bless him for putting up with me. During those early years, I always dreamed about what would be next, and I still truly don’t know, but I do know that the fog is lifting.

As mentioned in my previous article, I’m not one for resolutions at the start of each year. The month of January was full of the unexpected and unplanned. On January 5, I started back at my crossfit gym. I woke up that Friday morning at 4:45 and thought “I guess I’ll go to the gym today”. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. It happened after nearly four years of crappy sleep and hard core mommin.  I went to that first class in over three years, and I wasn’t even nervous. It’s funny how after having kids, I somehow have learned to take on anything without fear, because at the end of the day, nothing really matters besides my family.

During the second week of January, I became bombarded with more contract job opportunities. I think I received nearly six offers in one week. I kept wondering what was happening and how I’d take it all on - or if I could. But, this was what I was always thinking about – my work, and myself as a person after my girls started to grow bigger. Opportunities were literally falling into my lap.

It’s easy to fall into the rut of motherhood. You’re not alone. I do promise there will come a time when you finally realize there’s a break in the fog, and you have the opportunity to give yourself some time, and actually grow as a person; a better person. You are a mother, and there’s nothing more rewarding than that, but you don’t have to lose yourself along the way.  It won’t be easy, I promise. It still isn’t easy, and I don’t know if it ever will be. But, I have learned to be diligent and make it work for my family. I am putting in the effort to wake up at 4:45 to work out. I am making the effort to take on more jobs and help provide for my family by working during nap times and after bedtime stories. It’s a hustling game that takes a lot of energy. I choose to do this to be a better wife, mom, and person.

Life is such a bottle of emotions during these years with our little children. These have been the hardest and sweetest years of my life, and someday I will want this crazy back. I am beyond fortunate I’ve been able to stay home with my babies and watch them grow. They are growing into beautiful young women, and they give me the inspiration to be a better mom and person. The fog is starting to clear, and my time is coming. Yours will, too.